Broke and Homeless

Home. Thats what consumes me these days. Home is where the heart is and if thats the case I'm a long ways from there. I had a home once. But you took it. You changed it. You changed us. Now I'm homeless, a "floater". And you could care less. You don't even know what you did.

If you only knew.

A year and a half ago I was still a child. I still had to ask permission before doing something. I had rules to follow. I was taken care of, fully, completely. I had family dinners. My biggest worry in life was the math test the next day. I fought with my siblings. I had some where to escape to. Somewhere to call my own. I was surrounded by memories and people that I shared those memories with. Friends were most important. 

If I only knew.

I came and went, passing through the back yard that held all the summer camp outs and friday night football games. Sleeping in the room I used to stay up all night in,  watching the shadows of passing cars dance across the ceiling. Aimlessly eating in the kitchen that use to house the whole neighbor hood come game night. Walking past the room we used to talk all throughout the night in. Yelling down the stairs I used to in vision my self cascading down come prom years to come. 

HA if I only knew.

If I would have known I would have been different. I would have spent less time consumed with myself. I would have spent time with them. All my time. I would have stopped to create more memories, making it so each room was a library of memories. I would have found my self sooner.  I would have taken it all in, counting my blessings each night for all of it. I would have not wasted a moment. I would have convinced you not to sell... No I wouldn't. But I would have liked to. I would have done it all. 

If I only knew.

But I didn't know. And so its gone. They're gone. I'm left with the pain of passing what was once mine,  and knowing that part of life is over. Seeing you take and change what was already perfect. Watching you take what was mine, knowing you'll never know just what you have. 

If you only knew.

~June Carter